Mental snapshot

Justin worked late last night, so I got to put Lily down for bed. After a dinner of salmon and steamed veggies, she had a bath and changed in to jammies. We're doing a bottle now before bed, so we sat and rocked and sang and listened to her ocean sound machine. Once she was finished I turned her around and let her fall asleep on my shoulder. I tried to mentally capture the moment, file it away as a photograph that I can look back on when she's older. I wanted to remember what the weight of her little body felt like on my shoulder felt. I tried to trap the smell of her lavender lotion and little baby shampoo inside my nose. When I knew she was good and sleepy, I lifted her off my shoulder and rested her back on my lap so I could get a good look at her face. She definitely is looking more like me, these days, but she still has so much of Justin in her face. Her little button nose and mouth, chubby cheeks and long lashes.

I feel like I don't appreciate her as much as I should during the day. Somehow, at night, when she's already asleep, I feel this sense of guilt over all the times I should have said one more thing, asked her another question, played a game just one more time. Reading too many blogs right now where babies are losing their struggles with terrible hands they've been dealt here on earth. Time to focus more on living each day as the blessing it is. Thank you, God, for my beautiful child. Thank you for entrusting me with her care.